As this year winds down I try to remember what’s the thing for me that I want to hold onto. Where have I been found lacking over and over again? In perseverance! Now that’s what I desperately need.

I have grown this year in not doubting God. I have learned that God’s plan is the best. Even when painful. I have learned to not throw tantrums and whine about things not being fair and why me! I have begun to hold onto the truth that God is right. My thinking needs to be questioned. My understanding needs to be questioned. How I’m handling something needs to be questioned not God. He always has my best interest in mind. He works for the good even through pain.

As I grasp this fundamental truth there arises in my soul a lack of patience. I know God is right. His way is best and now I am fretting. What if I don’t live to see it. What if it doesn’t happen in my life time. I grow weary of waiting. I tire of doing the right thing. Hope deferred makes my heart sick. I find myself losing heart.

I look at things that need to change in my character, my husband’s career , and my children’s lives and I fret. When Lord! When Lord! I know you can but when. I’ve seen you do it for others. But what about for me? I pray to not quit in the last mile. I pray to persevere.

Its  been over 25 years of praying for my children and they have not accepted you. It’s been the same years praying for my siblings and family to accept you. Not yet. So many good things that I hope and dream for and the answer is, not yet. I’m ok for the short run. But in the long run. Over years and time. I grow weary.

Today I read in Psalm 37:8 not to fret it leads only to evil. So I pray. And I stand still. I fill my heart with peace that God’s timing is also the best.

Perseverance !  Now that’s what I need.  The ability to keep doing good no matter what I see or feel. Perseverance born out of a trust in Gods word. Held together by a belief in His promises.  God help me to fix my eyes on Jesus and gain faith from his reliance on you through the bleakest of times. Strengthen me for the task to press on to achieve the goal. Grant me the  perseverance to finish the race set out before me.