Stop doing this at home! A Funny, But True Example


Criticism: Verbally attacking our spouse’s personality and character

Contempt: Attacking their sense of self (sarcasm and arrogance)

Defensiveness: Defensively seeing yourself as a victim to ward off perceived attacks.

Stonewalling : Withdrawing or shutting down.

These qualities DESTROY relationships.

These are nicknamed the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” (Gottman and Silver 2015).  The reason is simple, once they are present in a marriage there is very strong chance your headed toward divorce! In fact, along with a few other related symptoms, divorce can be predicted with over 90% accuracy!

HATE THEM and click on the video for a funny illustration of what the first three look like. Note: Both “offices” reveal the first three Horsemen.

About the author

Antoine Lee MEd, MC is a recent graduate of Nyack Christian College with a Masters in Mental Health Counseling. Currently he has been an independent Contractor for organizations such as Community Access as well as for the HIV/AIDS Center, Project HEAL and Women’s Support Services at Montefiore Hospital. He provided mental health in-service presentations and workshops in mindfulness training and assisted in and supported facilitation of peer support groups. He has recently completed an internship at University Behavioral Associates (Montefiore) where he helped to support transitional families. Antoine has been a pre-marital and marital counseling volunteer for over 20 years; Youth and Family leader for over ten years; motivated teaching professional with over 13 years experience addressing student needs and ensuring proper student development and an experienced 8th grade teacher with an excellent parent-teacher communication record and student motivation techniques. Antoine brings to the counseling setting his deep biblical knowledge and practical application that he has learned over the years as he has grown and matured while raising his family and helping people for over 25 years at his church. He is a creative professional with extensive project experience from concept to development.

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