In marriage we promise each other eternal partnership. For better. For worse. For richer. For poorer. In sickness and health. And so on and so on. At the time, I was not thinking about through menopause, career change, life changes, church change, character changes and so on and so on.
I’ve had to redefine what our partnership looks like at every change in our lives. This is the work of making marriage last. It’s being in the present at all times. Its consistently looking at what’s happening to us right now? How am I feeling about it? How will I communicate how I’m feeling? What will I do to keep emotional closeness through what’s happening? I felt great about being the only one working while my husband goes to school to change careers. Our finances were ok, though at times it did get tight. I was feeling ok. So far not too much had changed. When My husband graduated in June 2015, I was elated. We celebrated with a huge party. Great! It was over. We’d done it! Then we find out, it’s not over. He has to complete more internship hours over the summer. My attitude, ok let’s do this. But now I find myself being anxious, worried and fretting over finances. I felt embarrassed to share because I thought, why fear now after three years of being faithful. It took awhile to own that I was disappointed because of the extension. I had set a time in my mind and now I had to adjust. My soul grew a little weary and tired. I felt bad. I felt I needed to be faithful for my husband but I was falling apart inside. I needed to replenish the faith for myself. I talked about what I was currently feeling and found strength to keep going in faith. Yesterday my husband finished his last day of internship. Our partnership in tact. We’ve had to have many days this summer to check in on our emotions to deal with worry and anxiety. From one day to another things are different. From one hour to another things are different. I have to force myself to look at it honestly. I have to own my feelings. I have to carve out time to stop and reflect, communicate and resolve to keep our marriage partnership emotionally close.